To Be An Introvert

Throughout my teenage years, I was under the impression introverts would never succeed in life because they were too quiet - they would never interview well, never be able to get their dream job or even retain romantic relationships.

Since the entrance into university, my mindset has changed considerably. There were many opportunities available in clubs/organizations/work force and many times, these were lost to me since I didn't have a 'loud' personality. It definitely knocked down my confidence a couple of notches. The older I became, the more frustrated I was each time this pattern was repeated.

Did being an introvert mean an obstacle to succeeding? This is the answer I found: No, it shouldn't cause a hindrance in success.

In fact, many people don't always understand what it means to be introverted and unfortunately, some come in between a person and their success due to misconceptions about introversion. Introversion doesn't necessarily mean shy because to be shy is linked to the fear of being judged. With the proper steps and experiences, overcoming shyness is possible. But introversion is part of the personality.

So what exactly is introversion? Marti Langey explains it physiologically in "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World", which is paraphrased by Carl King:

A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.(http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts)

In another take, Carol Bainbridge explains introversion from a social perspective in "Introvert":

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge.(http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm)

These are excellent descriptors of what introversion is yet at the same time, I do not agree 100% with all that is said. For myself, I define introverts as those who receive enough stimulation internally and do not need to seek it in the external environment and extroverts would be the opposite - those who seek more stimulation externally since they do not receive as much internally.

The definitions are simple enough so I do not get lost in judgement or classification of traits in each introvert or extrovert that I meet.

That being said, Bainbridge's last sentence is one I agree completely with. Many times, I have encountered this situation. Being completely alone for a day or two is great but anything more than that, I get apprehensive. When I do go to social gatherings though, I can only be there for only so long despite being a talkative individual. It's sometimes a struggle to find something to talk about with others who I just met yet I can talk for an entire day with one of my closest friends about anything.

It seems that level of intimacy is a key factor when it comes to socializing with an introvert. So, let's return to the initial issue at at hand: what do others think of introverts?

King outlined 10 myths that he has come across and I myself have heard the majority of them such as introverts are shy, they don't like people or avoid going out in public. These assumptions lead some to think introverts cannot succeed as account managers or as leaders as observed in Uganda when I interviewed for a higher leadership position within an organization.

One of the questions the committee asked me was "How can an introvert be a good leader?"

Unfortunately, I answered terribly, which probably further etched the conception of introverts into their mind. This situation was related to a memory of when I first landed in Uganda for another position. When the locals on the team realized I was an introvert, my abilities were doubted immediately without being allowed the chance to showcase them.

In Uganda, the mindset is very black and white with barely any gray area in this topic. But what do I mean by gray area?

I have a charismatic friend who makes an excellent leader and should anyone ever met him, they would think he is extroverted due to his incredibly friendly, social and inspiring nature. When we discussed this, he identified as a true introvert, needing his 'down time' after life changing speeches at a conference or even after conversations.

This is an example of how an individual can fall in the middle of the intro-extro spectrum and it seems very few are 100% either or.

These 'best case practices' was what I attempted to share with the Ugandans, doing my best to expand the knowledge in this area. At the end, I feel I reached out to, at the most, three people. It is sad that this mindset still exists in the global community but it's reassuring that at least in North America, people are becoming much more aware about the differences between extroverts and introverts.

Since only 25-40% of the general population (in North America, it seems) is introverted, I can understand why the intro vs. extro concept is still widely debated today. Some aren't able to understand the workings of introverts if they cannot emphasize. 

So overall, while I receive criticism for being so, I enjoy being an introvert. It has its perks, such as having an incredibly close circle of friends who can handle my constant changing thoughts.

My advice to anyone struggling with their natures: never be discouraged by your introverted or extroverted nature in regards to success. It's merely an aspect of an individual rather than life-defining and everyone has the potential to push past barriers and obstacle, whether a person is an extrovert or an introvert.

[ Originally published October 20, 2013]