International Women's Day: Who's genuine?

March 8th, a day dedicated to women and officially dubbed as International Women's Day! As a female, it makes me happy that a day is given to celebrate successful female leaders of the past, present and future as well as the growing independence and respect women are receiving. Accomplishments of women such as Harriet Tubman, Hilary Clinton, The Famous Five, Joan of Arc, and many, many others are still remembered and more hope for future accomplishment is maintained.

At the same time, it's a little disheartening that there is a Women's Day. If we have a day dedicated to celebrating contributions of women, then it's an implication we aren't appreciated or considered equal socially. If anyone was ever curious as to why feminism exists, the notion above would be one answer of many available.

Feminism has grown so much in the past few decades yet there are still those who oppose the equality of women. Some don't understand the true movement as the term has become polluted. When I initially wrote this article, there were various men who I was once connected to through Facebook that gave a false sense of appreciation via status updates. I knew what their values and perspectives quite well and knew their wishes were conveyed to their idea of what a woman must be - a mother and/or housewife. 

So when these same men see that a woman they know does something to receive praise from a community, organization or any other entity , they join the hype of happiness and offer congratulations but behind the scenes, this happened: "who do you think she seduced"?

Now, what is slut shaming? It’s said to be “...about the implication that if a woman has sex that traditional society disapproves of, she should feel guilty and inferior” (Alan Levoy, Slut Shaming).

And the name calling? Well, when it’s difficult to slutify a woman, name calling (selfish, bitchy, hypocrite, etc.) tends to take second place when demeaning a successful woman who has a strong personality.

Let's return to the mindset of this group of men. It wasn't much of a surprise that I encountered this more in…Uganda! It’s not to say all Canadians treat their women better (check out the number of rape and domestic cases filed in the cities) but my experience with sexism was strongest in this country.

Now, there were three, strong-willed ladies involved with the same organization as I. They had opinions on things and didn’t hesitate to speak their mind. So what happened? Some of the men in upper leadership began to spread their opinions of them – two of them were perceived to be sluts/whores and the other, who had a boyfriend, was said to be an incredibly selfish woman who didn’t think of others at all.

In case anyone was confused, 80% of what they said was a modified truth. It was an awkward topic to bring up in conversation so I didn’t press further, allowing ignorance to take over. Instead of letting it slide, I should’ve stood up for these women. That was one mistake I will forever regret. I just laughed off this conversation instead of taking it a bit more seriously:

Friend: Yea, I can have more than one girlfriend [says in a joking manner]
Me: Oh fun, I guess I can have a harem here too! A guy from each of the countries from East Africa.
Friend: No! Girls can't do that! [panic stricken]
Me: Why?
Friend: Because you'll be a whore.
Me: [laughs] Men can be whores too.
Friend: No, only women.

Then as time went on, my ignorance was defeated by stone cold facts. The most prevalent one was that these men who were - unfortunately - in leadership positions were incompetent and didn't want to admit it. They decided it was better to blame the absence of results on strong willed women since they are ‘deviants’ of the culture, so much so that this false belief led to a physical altercation.

See, the sole job African women have are to take care of the children and maintain the household, apparently, not question the decisions of men, according to some. Here's how I look at it: if a woman chooses to stay at home as a house wife and nurture her children, absolutely no qualms about that. But if she is oppressed from building a career or life outside the home, then there's a problem.

It also made me curious to what I was called as I too battled the social norms and opinions. I had a boyfriend there so being called slutty was unreasonable. Was I known as selfish? Bitchy? Preachy? Temperamental? I’m sure they managed to work in the word ‘slut’ in there somewhere too, especially since I brought attention to the unethical conducts being done behind the scenes. Nothing will ruin the reputation of a woman than sexual expression in a conservative society. 

The disappointing bit was that I belonged to an organization that encouraged any individual to take a leadership position, regardless of gender. These individuals who become involved in slut & name calling are supposed to be people who should have a different mentality than the rest of their country. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case – 'it's like a village', say numerous citizens. So when does the perception of women begin to change? Who changes it?

People, such as I, can constantly criticize but the frustrating truth is that only citizens of the country can make that change. Change can only come from understanding so again, when does that happen? Thankfully, while there were ignorant citizens, there were confident men who promoted their fellow, female Ugandan to succeed in her field and believed that a woman's voice is important. So change can happen but as it is, there are more who say 'nay' than 'yay'. 

When is it not okay to hit a woman? When will action be taken against violence and not be put aside because ‘he didn’t actually hit her’. No, but he sure tried to, didn’t he?

Another group that disappointed me was a group of young men from a Christian University. In a way, it's not completely surprising and in a way, it is. They had a problem with women in power, resorting to intimidation when they didn't receive their way and really underestimated the intelligence of the women around them.

Big mistake ;)

To those close-minded citizens of Uganda: you have mothers, sisters, girlfriends and partners. What would you do if she was being abused, verbally or physically, or had names thrown at them they did not deserve? Do you let it slide because it is a norm of society?

I truly hope not.

And while particular types of men are the obvious culprit in halting progression the equality of women, they are not the only ones. Sadly, it is other women. And like the aggressive men, women hating other women for shallow facts is a worldwide problem. 

There are so many reasons why females hate other females and I believe insecurity is the largest factor. There could be work politics where a younger female employee enters the environment, causing an older female employee to worry about her position, it could be due to the amount of male attention another female receives or even the reason of wanting to be seen more masculine yet another female ‘ruins’ the image of girls by being too feminine.

The worst is when some mother-in-laws who have undergone domestic violence encourage the same to happen to their daughter-in-laws.

Sad, eh?

To cushion this painful truth and provide a better future, InternationalWomensDay has provided a platform where people who believe in the equality of women can come together. It's a wonderful website with many things to offer, especially for those seeking to educate themselves further on the issue.

So on March 8^th, are/were you someone who celebrated International Women’s Day because you believed in it? Or were you someone who merely joined the hype and reverted to your usual ways?

Are you a mother who pressures your daughter to marry because of what others think of you or one who wants your daughter to marry for the sake of a happiness you knew?

Are you an individual who encourages a woman’s independence when it suits your needs or constantly?

Are you someone who hits a woman when times are difficult or someone who stops violence in any situation?

Who on your social media feeds truly means ‘Happy International Women’s Day!’?

And...are you a woman who abuses a man? While male victims aren't as common as female victims, they still exist. Sexism isn't a one way street and it's time we change completely before invert into a world where women beat the men.

Women and men are not inferior. I think it's obvious we need both and this is where I leave you to watch the ad campaign featuring the lovely Keira Knightley.

[Originally Published March 8th, 2014]